IC Forum Archive

108 · Posts: 2600

I reviewed Square-Enix and Media.Vision's heavy metal RPG, Heavy Metal Thunder, which I beat in like four hours.

The details are here.

The short version is:

It reminds me of Yoshinoya: The Videogame.

Intentionally Wrong · Posts: 673

It makes me want to never listen to heavy metal again.

It's not like I was all that interested inheavy metal in the first place, mind.

Sub · Posts: 696

Wow. Now I wish this game had stayed a mysterious promotional website with only a video of the theme song playing over cutscenes, and NO HINT as to the actual contents of the videogame.

(i was gonna go look for the thread i made about it but then i was like oh right forum death)

Dark Age Iron Savior · Posts: 3148

As a side note, could someone post here if they find a review of it? I'd like to know what the game is like.

108 · Posts: 2600

Hey, fuck you. This is a review of the game.

You must realize that this game would not exist were it not for the TV show of the same name. And that having never seen or heard of the show makes the game pretty much useless.

Or: what game?

There's really no substance to it. Of the four hours it took me to beat it, I'd say that four hours and . . . thirteen minutes of that was watching nonsensical animated cutscenes. As I describe in the review.

So if you really wanted to be a jerkoff about it you could have said something about how this might be the first game actually suited to a review by me.

Or something.

Shit.

I'm . . . only bothering to post this because I'm quite frankly shocked at the hate mail I've gotten on this review in less than twelve hours. They all seem to tell me I suck because they never heard of this game. Fuck, people, if you don't want to read about the game, don't read about it.

You, though, whoever you are -- you're pretending you want to hear about the game. So either read the review and KNOW about the game, or admit you don't care.

I'm going to go have lunch.

Dark Age Iron Savior · Posts: 3148

I know I'm doing something right when the output is so much greater than the input!

Enjoy your lunch~

Mr. Mechanical · Posts: 1890

Dark Age Iron Savior wrote:

I know I'm doing something right when the output is so much greater than the input!

Or you're just being an ass and enjoying it.

What are you trying to accomplish with snide remarks on a message board? That har har tim rogers doesn't really write about games lol? Welcome to 2003.

Dark Age Iron Savior · Posts: 3148

Mr. Mechanical wrote:

Welcome to 2003.

Hooray! I've been meaning to do it over again.

B coma · Posts: 1455

Your review sort of reminded me of how I felt when I bought Samurai Legend Musashi. The cover art was brilliant (a new rendition of an older Musashi in front a glossy dark purple background), the back cover purported surf guitar music by some band of note in Japan (everyone loves hot surf guitar trax!), it had Gainax animation, and furthermore (probably the deciding factor in my purchase) it was based on a game I had enjoyed as a PSX owning teenager.

And when I got it home everything sort of fell apart. The game was sufficiently colorful and I still enjoy the cel-shaded look from time to time. Boy, did the the game drag though - Musashi runs like he's in a chain gang. The Gainax produced animation was relegated to the intro that played before you loaded your game. The surf guitar music plays with it, but it seems it as if they only licensed one track of music from that surf band (The Ventures have like, almost five million albums... couldn't they have struck a deal for a few of their songs or somethin'?) The whole anime intro was overflowing with a sense style and speed that never really found its way into the first few chapters I played. That same surf track that plays in the intro is slapped on to scenes such as a motorcycle type chase (eerily similiar to FFVII's by the way)... but I was so disconnected from that intro movie by that time that it only reminded me of how boring the game actually was up to that point. It was so disappointing I sort of just sold it back after a couple of play sessions (and I can count the total number of games I've sold back to the store on one hand, so that's saying something I guess). Then, after I sold it back, I realized that, without all of the flashy tie-ins and newness, it was EXACTLY the same game I had played as a teenager, except they dumbed down the copy mechanics and pulled the camera in nauseatingly close.

My memory of small details is pretty poor so feel free to correct me if I made any factual errors here. Nevertheless, rest assured that I'll steer clear of Heavy Metal Thunder when it is eventually not released here in the states.

the vinculum gate · Posts: 2868

yeah, i didn't like the review...

so i quit reading it!

it's a good idea.

Judge Ito · Posts: 284

I read it...

But now I want to buy the game!

1.5 star reviews should not make me want to spend money!

Mister Toups · Posts: 4943

the vinculum gate wrote:

yeah, i didn't like the review...

so i quit reading it!

it's a good idea.

OH LORD THIS IS THE BIG ONE ELIZABETH, I'M COMIN' TO JOIN YA.

For my part, I enjoyed it a lot.

108 · Posts: 2600

the vinculum gate wrote:

yeah, i didn't like the review...

so i quit reading it!

it's a good idea.

I didn't like your post!

So I quit reading it!

I'm . . . not sure if it was a good idea or not.

(That was . . . cleverer than I intended. Sorry.)

Judge Ito: You buy the game at your own discretion. It sucks ass!

It's funny for about an hour. If you want the music, get the soundtrack.

Like I said, the music is so . . . disconnected from the game. It's not like Parappa, even, where you can show someone this amusing cartoon that synches up to this amusing music. It's just hard-rocking music, and very auspicious cartoons.

Get the music, forget the game. Viz is publishing the Beck manga soon, if they aren't already. Get that instead.

Hell, I should Amazon-link that in the sidebar.

extralife · Posts: 3316

I seriously thought you were completely making up both the game and the show. It's too...out there. This doesn't make any sense. Then I saw that those links were real. Now I want to see if I can find torrents of the show.

George · Posts: 1656

Beck is a good manga. Sucks that this game didn't work out.

Oh, and the "Heavy Metal means giant robot" thing isn't even original. There was an 80s anime, Heavy Metal L-Gaim, with robots designed by Mamoru Nagano, who had once dressed up as Char Aznable (the blonde villain of Gundam) and played the electric guitar. His favorite band is the Ramones, I think.

108 · Posts: 2600

Well, see, Ramones aren't heavy metal.

So the title was a mistake.

Call the mistake police!!

George · Posts: 1656

108 wrote:

Well, see, Ramones aren't heavy metal.

So the title was a mistake.

Call the mistake police!!

Well duh. But it IS possible to like both punk rock and heavy metal. Theoretically.

extralife · Posts: 3316

Is it?

108 · Posts: 2600

I guess it is, though hell, if you're going to design characters for a manga with "Heavy Metal" in the title, your favorite band should probably be a heavy metal band.

Maybe that's what's wrong with the game "Heavy Metal Thunder." Everyone involved either liked heavy metal too much or not enough.

George · Posts: 1656

108 wrote:

I guess it is, though hell, if you're going to design characters for a manga with "Heavy Metal" in the title, your favorite band should probably be a heavy metal band.

True, but there aren't any giant robot jokes you can make about punk rock.

Anyway, his most famous manga, Five Star Stories, which he's worked on for 19 years (releasing less than one volume a year), doesn't mention heavy metal. It's just one hell of an acid trip, as it takes place over 5.67 billion years in no particular order.