IC Forum Archive

Ging · Posts: 841

When I went to sleep I was stuck on a bit of an idea. I wanted to turn back time. To the summer of 2004 to be precise. But I wanted to be as I am now, instead of what I was then.

This is, obviously, about a girl.

This girl, her name was Gem, or Jasmine, Gem was her nickname... Or at least I think that's how it went. The only one who told me her name was Jasmine was this friend of mine who I later ended up wronging in a way I still have yet to mend.

At any rate, I was 16 at the time, and I was only beginning to change myself. I was, to a large extent, most of the worse things you might see in me now. And yet... There was this girl who saw something in me. When I spoke to her, no matter what I said or talked about she showed interest. She'd compliment me on anything, my nerdy animethon t-shirt (said she wished she had went), my hair... She would at times, even leave the company of her friends in favor of being closer to me. I was, in a way, dumbfounded. I had no idea what this girl, this attractive asian girl (I don't have yellow fever... but her...), what anyone could see in a guy like me. I don't remember if it was her or something else, but it was around that time I actually began to take myself seriously. At that time, I broke out of what you would call teenage angst a little bit. It was the first time I can recall, that I stopped wishing for something to pull me out of my shitty situation.

But... Because I was at the time, nothing, I also did nothing. I never went after this girl, and I never even tried... Even though... I think to myself now, even if I had tried, I had nothing to offer any person, I had no talent, I had no aspiration of any sort. And the only reason I have anything now, is because I failed to go after this girl. I missed out on what may have been the best chance I may have had, and even if I had gone after her then, I may not have been able to make anything of it.

And so, now and then, I think about her as I fall asleep, or wake up, and I can't shake this lingering regret, even though she was probably the most influential person I've met, in creating any existing drive in me to become a better person, or strive to create.

Life fucking sucks sometimes.

Quick Shot II Turbo · Posts: 468

So... where is she now?

Cause if she really had such an impact on you, then she should be the one reading this, not us.

Ging · Posts: 841

I don't have a clue where she is. I have no idea.

Maztorre · Posts: 1175

I'm pretty sure this happens to everyone. My incident of this was a girl I grew up with before moving away from for a while. We ended up at different schools and such, and by the time I met back up with her again, we had become entirely different people. There is still a spark of some sort of chemistry between us I can sense, but it becomes sort of awkward because I think we both know that we could have actually made more effort since we did live in the same town the whole time. We have a good time when we meet up but the atmosphere is tinged with melancholy quite often.

The song I play on my ipod after talking to her on the bus is Back to the Old House :(

Kazu · Posts: 894

Ging wrote:

I don't have a clue where she is. I have no idea.

Well, try to find anything that might be related to her. Neighbours that lived next to her family. If you know her name, ask around, maybe someone knows her. Just try anything, even if you'll make a fool of yourself what can you lose?

Ging · Posts: 841

Kazu wrote:

Ging wrote:

I don't have a clue where she is. I have no idea.

Well, try to find anything that might be related to her. Neighbours that lived next to her family. If you know her name, ask around, maybe someone knows her. Just try anything, even if you'll make a fool of yourself what can you lose?

Swimming through a sea of stars

- well, I don't know if I'm right there but it looks like it has something to do with R-TYPE FINAL. If so, I love that part ... if not, forget what I said!
Anyway, it's kind of funny I saw that line after reading your post, since that line reminds me of a girl I proposed to.

I had that song (through thick & thin) in my mind when driving to where she was living, and - well, I failed miserably. But hey! I told her how I felt ... I didn't care afterwards, since I knew I couldn't do anything about it any longer, moreover, I could move on. I hope you can do so too ... the important thing is to try to do anything.

I actually knew her from school. Don't know where she lives.

TOLLMASTER · Posts: 1977

I have often laid awake at night, wondering whether it is the fault of men or women that male/female relationships are so completely fucked up. To make a very simple mechanical procedure turn into a such a convuluted knot of emotions and ideas is perhaps humanity's second largest fuck-up, after the entire "killing each other" thing.

No one I've known has ever gotten more happiness than sadness out of love. Not that sadness is always a bad thing! But same days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

Ging · Posts: 841

TOLLMASTER wrote:

...But same days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

Not really ever in my case. I mean, I've had trouble with individuals, but I can't say I've ever had trouble with women as like, a group.

But then I'm not Tollmaster.

You have issues with the females and the relationships man.

Weird issues.

Toto · Posts: 498

TOLLMASTER wrote:

I have often laid awake at night, wondering whether it is the fault of men or women that male/female relationships are so completely fucked up. To make a very simple mechanical procedure turn into a such a convuluted knot of emotions and ideas is perhaps humanity's second largest fuck-up, after the entire "killing each other" thing.

No one I've known has ever gotten more happiness than sadness out of love. Not that sadness is always a bad thing! But same days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

You know it's Monotheisms fault to a certain degree right Toll? All the virgin, and placing religous importance on a natural human act tends to put a bit more bureaucracy into the process of relationships.
Also I know what you mean about giving women the finger, even if Ging doesn't.

TOLLMASTER · Posts: 1977

Toto wrote:

TOLLMASTER wrote:

I have often laid awake at night, wondering whether it is the fault of men or women that male/female relationships are so completely fucked up. To make a very simple mechanical procedure turn into a such a convuluted knot of emotions and ideas is perhaps humanity's second largest fuck-up, after the entire "killing each other" thing.

No one I've known has ever gotten more happiness than sadness out of love. Not that sadness is always a bad thing! But same days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

You know it's Monotheisms fault to a certain degree right Toll? All the virgin, and placing religous importance on a natural human act tends to put a bit more bureaucracy into the process of relationships.
Also I know what you mean about giving women the finger, even if Ging doesn't.

Yeah, I know it's primarily a fault in myself, and not in them, but you can't say their existence isn't frustrating at times.

It's probably wrong to fault Monotheism. If I remember correctly, a lot of "primitive" religions have their symbology based upon birth/death/rebirth cycles, and it seems to be human nature to associate that cycle with femininity.

Shrug · Posts: 3

Lurking off to ask if you're certain this "Gem" wasn't a puppy?

BEIGE · Posts: 208

I have had a similar experience.

antitype · Posts: 1148

TOLLMASTER wrote:

...But same days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

In before Tim can make some predictable comment about really giving women the finger, and how often he does it. Just last night, I'm sure! With some celebrity!

But yeah, I'm pretty sure everyone has had (or will have) at least one experience like this. The regret of love lost and missed opportunities, I mean.

Ging, did you and this girl have any mutual friends? You should ask around and try to track her down if you can. Did you know her last name? Is it something unique enough that you might be able to look it up in a phone book and try a number or two? Just call and tell them your name, and that you were a friend of this girl's back in school — maybe you'll at least get someone in her family, if it's not actually where she lives. There's nothing terribly strange about that. You just want to reconnect, right? Go for it.

extralife · Posts: 3316

There was a girl like that for me back in the day, Ging. Well, almost. I actually first met her when we were in sixth grade, and I maintained a hell of a crush until our senior year of high school when she got shipped off to Alaska because of drug problems.

Yeah, those are the kinds of girls I fall for :( (she wasn't that much of a problem girl, though).

We were actually begining to associate with one another a bit before she got sent off, but I still never told her jack. After she left, I spent a long time using the internet to track her down. I eventually figured out where she lived and what school she graduated from. I still never did anything.

Then, I started community college. My very first day, the first person I saw when I entered the building was her. This was about two years after she left. And here she was, the first person I saw. I actually had the balls to say some things to her; tell her that I totally had a crush on her for like EVER. She was married, it turned out, but that wasn't even all that important to me, to be honest. It was just nice to be able to say something.

I guess what I'm trying to say is opportunities tend to present themselves to you if you really want them to. Find this chick, dude.

Captain EO · Posts: 371

Ging, I just saw a girl last night that I've been stuck on for a few years. Of course I didn't say anything. It really wasn't the right time. I drove 3 hours and some change to see her.

extralife · Posts: 3316

Man, there is no right time; conversely, there is no wrong time.

You know that perfect scenario you've got in your head? Yeah, get it out--it's never going to happen like that. The situation simply won't arise. Then you'll get angry that something keeps "fucking it up" when secretly you're just happy you can trick yourself into believing that. Sooner or later, there won't be any times left at all, good or bad.

Captain EO · Posts: 371

Kiss her you fool! Kiss her before she slips away!

I was kicking myself about it on the driving back.

Jeff Garneau · Posts: 1622

actually i haven't had that experience. i get in trouble more for asking girls that i shouldn't.

alice · Posts: 150

You know, I thought this was one of this I had kinky sex and ditched threads but I'm glad it's not. I can relate, it's surprising when an attractive asian girl starts paying attention to you for the first time. It got me out of my angsty teenager years. It's amazing how a girl like that can have so much power over a guy in such a short time. And for me, it was mostly over the internet.

But then I got sick of it, I'm in introvert at heart, and I can't stand people who give me too much attention (i.e. parents jk jk! roflmao!). ANd I feel REALLY guilty because I indulged a bit too much into them, and now I can't repay a goddamn penny.

I'll tell you this much though, well I'll tell you this first: She went to your fucking highschool, it's not that hard to look her up, your school has good records, you know. GOOD records. And if they don't your popular acquaintances sure as hell will. But that aside, look ahead, not back. kthxbye.

108 · Posts: 2600

antitype wrote:

TOLLMASTER wrote:

...[Some] days, you just want to give women the finger, you know?

In before Tim can make some predictable comment about really giving women the finger, and how often he does it. Just last night, I'm sure! With some celebrity!

Wow, that's pretty jealousy fueled of you!

There's only one "celebrity" I ever claim to have had sex with, and I only claim so because it's true, and I would never mention it on an internet forum just because.

antitype · Posts: 1148

You wish!

Well, maybe a little, but that was not my primary motivation. I was mostly just having a little fun. I mean, the only specific example I could come up with is that time you mentioned having slept with a friend of Yoshimi's, or something...? No offense was intended! I would not be a full-fledged IC forum member if I did not poke a little bit of fun at you every now and then, Tim. Then again if it came off as a petty cheap-shot, I apologize!

108 · Posts: 2600

antitype wrote:

the only specific example I could come up with is that time you mentioned having slept with a friend of Yoshimi's, or something...?

Oh yeah, I did say that. That girl herself is not a celebrity, however.

She was a small girl, meanwhile a big fan of noisy stuff. She was a music ho, is what she was. Not a groupie. She hated being called a groupie. She said she wasn't a groupie, because she actually enjoyed the music. I reckon she was kind of a liar about at least half that claim, because she said she liked my music as well.

This was, yeah, many years ago.

I used to sing pretty good back then, probably because I made every effort to have no idea what I was saying even when I was talking.

It wasn't until after I had had sex with this girl and sat with her in the strangest of places that she showed me, once, a photo album that contained a Polaroid of her and Yoshimi. So she ended up telling me the story. (Of how they made out at a show once despite not really knowing each other. Alcohol was involved.) I thought that was kind of a good story.

There's another girl known to some people I know, who I had a little bit of the S-word with, though I won't dare claim it on these forums. She's not a "celebrity". No, the "celebrity" was someone actually pretty famous, though only in Japan. She used to be bigtime famous only among people of certain persuasions, though within the last two years she's gotten pretty famous to everyone. In Japan.

Probably because of that sex I had with her three years ago!!

My energy filled her with the power to transcend!!

actualy, to recount the experience in full would begin with my saying how nearly frightened out of my MIND i was

In short, musicians give gifts to the listener. Gifts on many levels. These levels can vary from aural, to oral, to sexal.

digi · Posts: 25

alice wrote:

But then I got sick of it, I'm in introvert at heart, and I can't stand people who give me too much attention (i.e. parents jk jk! roflmao!). ANd I feel REALLY guilty because I indulged a bit too much into them, and now I can't repay a goddamn penny.

God damn it. This thread is starting to make me depressed too.

Every high-school career class personality quiz I ever took told me I was introverse. Every night out on the town this past week some person who I used to call a best friend asks me when I'll get a girlfriend so I can prove to him/them that I am not in fact gay.

Trysting and tomfoolery aside, I can't see myself doing anything for no one in a real relationship.

Maybe I just got to meet 'the 'right' girl'. It seems to all come down to how much real living you've done or are currently doing.

Google · Posts: 220

I had a Ging...

Her name was Donna, and we were together (on and off, mostly on) for 3/4 years during 'high school'...

From the age of 13 to 17 she was pretty much the only girl I was with, and I loved it...we spent quite a bit of time together in and out of school. We were 'the' couple.

Then everything changed when we started going our seperate ways for College/work etc, and things were never the same...

We broke up, had a couple of months apart (which fucking hurt) and then got back together for 4/5 months before she told me she had 'met someone else, but loved me too much to leave me'...at which point I turned around and broke up with her!

It hurt a lot more than it probably should, because I was going through tough times with parents and other general bullshit, and I really relied on Donna...too much.

It cant have been much fun for her...

So with more mature eyes, I look back and wonder what times might have been like if I had been in a better situation?

It hurts still...

I dream about her still...

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